Archive for October, 2003

(INSERT BIG BANG SOUND)

And so MrPhil makes his first blog entry. The purpose of this blog is to create a record of my struggle against procastination and other gastly inner demons with the hopes of making computer games that people will actually pay me money to play!

What is the vision for Mr. Phil Games?

It boils down to this:
1. I want to make computer games
2. I want to make a living doing it
3. I want them to be fun, exciting, and creative
4. I want to support others with similar dreams, and goals

Lofty or simplistic I can’t quite tell, but it is the bare bones essence of my dream.

But how did I get here? Well, somewhere in elementary school I got the idea in my head that I would one-day run my own computer software company. Of course at that time it was visions of being the next Bill Gates with piles of money and servants. I have spent the best part of my life overcoming that idea. Grand plans are comforting and are very good at stroking your ego, but they are also wickedly dangerous and in my case led to despair. I didn’t work hard at it, I simply dreamt, procrastinated and drifted years away. I could give explanations and excuses till 2050, but the short of it is I didn’t take action.

That may sound like I’m lazy or lack any ambition but I don’t think that is the reason (I’m mean, hey, a lazy guy won’t be doing this now would he?) I had two problems: “Where I was going?” and “How I was going to get there?” Being the next Bill Gates for a goal is like buying a pair of shoes and saying you want to see something important. The possibilities are infinite and ambiguous.

Eventually (and luckily), I ended up in a job I hated. It wasn’t a grueling job, or a hard job. It didn’t demand lots of overtime, it wasn’t high-pressure and it didn’t stress me out. I liked the people I worked with a lot, and got along well with my boss. None the less I could feel it slowly sucking every ounce of happiness out of me. I simply found no joy, no excitement and no outlet for my talents. It ate away at my spirit. Deep down I knew that I was meant for something else.

Now this wasn’t something I realized all at once one day. It was a slow process, a transformation. Five months ago it really picked up steam while I was on vacation. I found myself watching Dr. Phil. It was probably one of the first times I ever watched. During the show he challenged his guest with, “How’s that working for you?” Those words struck me like lighting. I immediate answered “This is NOT working for me! This is not the life I want to lead!”

With in two months I found a job I could better endure and even found some fulfillment. I also began to really soul search and answer the question, “What is the life I want to lead?” This company is the number one want on my list. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m happier now than any time in my life. My only regret is it took this long to get here.

Philip Ludington aka MrPhil is a computer programmer who dreams of making computer games for a living, but is highly prone to procastination.

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